Little this, little that

If you get, give. If you learn, teach.

— Maya Angelou

I man came into my store yesterday looking to men work jackets. I don't sell men things, mostly because I seriously don't know what they are into. Tools? Also, from my brief experience selling men's clothing, they buy nothing, because they seriously could care less about their wardrobe.

Regardless, he took a look around and found something that he could use. During the check out, we talked about why he was purchasing what he chosen, and it turns out that he is a volunteer for the Habitat for Humanity not only for building houses, but also in the  Restore itself. Mind you, this man is retired, 63, Veteran of Vietnam War. He entered the service at the age of 17, began as a pilot, then studied engineering. He remained in the service for 20 some odd years. I know only because my grandpa won't speak of it, that the war in general took a lot of life out of him due to the things they were forced to do. But this man was so full of life. I talked with him for over a half an hour about things he has went through and does for the community all because he feels fortunate to have just good health.

63, retired, volunteers, takes scrap wood and builds things with it to sell and donate ALL profits to his church so that elderly people who don't have transportation can use that money to pay someone to take them around.. Wowo. And I am sure that is only a small list of things this man does for his community. I truly am in awe. Initially, I would imagine a man that has went through all that he has, been shot down piloting a helicopter THREE separate times, would be old and weak. Nope, he chooses to live every day to it's fullest still.

I don't think that old people drive slow because age is weighing them down. I think that they drive slow because they know there is NO need to rush. Take it all in, you'll get there eventually.

After my dad pasted, I didn't feel it immediately.. like the missing him thing. I thought that it was weird, but I had my boyfriend around to make me laugh and distract me from all that pain. When I thought that it couldn't get any worse, he was feeling the weight of keeping me happy, and the fear of responsibility creeped up on him.. and I lost him too. Now, yea, maybe the timing was a little inconvenient.. but I am thankful now. If he didn't leave and let me stand alone, I wouldn't have grown to appreciate MY life. I thought, everything will be ok if we have each other.. but really we both lost touch with making ourselves happy and things would shadder eventually because next comes resentment. Feeling like you gave up so much to make this person happy, and they aren't really THAT happy. WTF?

I know I will love him forever. I've always felt like that, but now it's different. I never once hated him, was able to be mad at him because of him leaving me when I probably needed him the most. What I needed what exactly what he gave me, a chance to heal myself.

For a long while, I just kept reminding myself to breath, walk, sleep. It was only a week ago that I finally stopped trying to analyze what the fuck he was thinking. It was then that I started loving myself, and doing things based on the thought that it will make me happy. Weeks are going by a lot faster, which kind of sucks, but I am accomplishing something everyday.

I love this Dave Matthews song. He is so clever.
My cure is purely based on inspiration, things that make sense to me have to do with Philosophy. So I bought a couple books and read about it. I am becoming more of a 'Do-er' rather than a 'Idea-er'. I want to be more persistent with my blogs so that I can at least get all of my thoughts out and come back to them when I have the time to do them.. like create stuff. I have a 'I want to do everything' complex, but I am starting to realize that I will do all of these things eventually, and everyday I am walking a path to the life I want, because I am creating it with every decision I make. I know I used this quote in the last blog, but I try to read it everyday to remind me.

We are the creator of our own experience--remembering this, and living our lives from this perspective, empowers us.
Mike Robbins